I want to be on fire for Jesus, to be all in, to live for him fully with no holding back. I want to be available and say “yes” to everything he asks of me, basically I want MORE!!!
I’ve been praying for this for awhile because I also feel stuck, like I’m not moving forward in my walk with God. But I hear God saying,“How badly do you want these things? I know you want them but do you REALLY want them?”
There’s a difference between wanting something, thinking it sounds cool…fun…like a good idea, and really wanting something SO bad we’ll do anything to get it! When’s the last time you wanted something? And I mean really really wanted something?
Mine would have to be when I had a goal time I wanted to run for my first half marathon. I trained religiously 4 times a week for 10 weeks! I was determined to never miss a workout and to do everything I needed to in order to run that goal time. For those 10 weeks running that half marathon was my top priority.
Is being on fire for Jesus my top priority?
I feel like I’m not doing anything extra, (fasting, seeking God with everything I have (whatever that means), spending time in silence with God, etc.) aside from a small morning prayer, reading the bible at night and bedtime prayers. So how can I expect to get more from God and do I even really want more then?
What if our husband kissed us in the morning before work, came home from work barely talking to us, then kissed us before bed and told us he loved us. If he then told us he wanted a stronger marriage and a closer relationship but never changed what he did from day to day how would we feel? We would most likely feel like he wasn’t serious about wanting that stronger marriage and closer relationship because he wasn’t putting in the work.
So the next question I have to ask myself is, am I happy with the easy life I have?
The easy, routine life where I’m living for God, going to church, occasionally talking about God to friends, and spending time with God when I can fit him into my schedule? Am I secretly scared to leave that easy, comfortable life I’m so used to to step out into an uncomfortable not so easy life where I have to give up some of my contentment, desires, schedule, time, and things I am so used to?
Is it worth it?
When we don’t take the extra effort to make a change in any area in our lives, we are saying we don’t believe the hard work is worth it, that we’re happier staying where we’re at rather than putting in the hard work and going through the things that make us uncomfortable.
If you are trying to lose weight for example, it is so much easier just to stay where you are than it is for you to change your way of eating, to give up your daily chocolate fix, to work out 4-5 days each week for 30-60 minutes each workout (and not just work out…actually feel like you are dying!!), to give up some of your time, to rearrange your schedule to make workouts fit. Who likes that? Not very many people!
It’s so much easier to feel comfortable…in the know…stay right where you are…stay where you’ve been for so long…But it’s also SO SO much more rewarding to be uncomfortable, to go through the changes and to experience the beauty on the other side!
I’m still working through each of these questions and feel like I’m slowly trudging ahead as I’ve incorporated morning devotions, podcasts, blogs, more bible study, spending time with other believers, and giving God the first part of my day. But I still want MORE and I still want to be ALL IN and ON FIRE FOR JESUS!!
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